


Absolute Buffoonery

by Lookin_Like_A_Snack



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: A Whole Lotta Oneshots, Gen, Jack being Jack, Pitch Didn't Sign Up For This, Platonic Relationships, Several AUs, Shenanigans And Buffoonery, Work In Progress, could be romantic if you squint, movie-verse, no beta we die like men, they're both snarky assholes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25247278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lookin_Like_A_Snack/pseuds/Lookin_Like_A_Snack
Summary: A series of one-shots with two of my favorite troublemakers.
Relationships: Jack Frost & Pitch Black
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	1. Halloween Costume

**Author's Note:**

> This is set years after the movie. Pitch and the guardians somehow resolve their issues and now he’s a part of their little family. Unfortunately for him, being a part of the family also means putting up with jack and his shenanigans.

“Well, how do I look?”

Pitch raised his head from the book he was reading to see Jack dramatically pose in his costume. It looked like the boy had haphazardly covered himself in icicles from head to toe.

“... What are you supposed to be, a frost burnt popsicle?”

“What- a popsicle? I’m clearly a snowflake! Can’t you tell?” Jack made another pose as if it would somehow help the random points of ice resemble a polished snowflake.

Pitch looked him up and down before scoffing. “No, and I don’t think anyone else would be able to tell either. You look ridiculous. Well, more ridiculous than usual.”

This time Jack scoffed. “Someone sounds jealous. You don’t even have a costume.” He tried to cross his arms but the unnecessarily long ice pikes along his forearms clashed. He settled for keeping his hands safely near his sides. “Who doesn’t wear a costume while trick-or-treating?”

“First of all, we’re not going ‘trick-or-treating’. What are we, children?” Pitch pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed before going on. “Second of all, I’m the embodiment of fear itself. I don’t need to play dress-up.”

He extended his arms to point out the mess of ice that Jack considered an appropriate costume. “Third of all, I’m not taking you anywhere looking like that. How would you even get around in all this? Why would you cover your legs with icicles, you’re practically immobile now.”

Jack huffed “Would you stop bashing my outfit, I worked hard on it. Besides, I can get around just fine- see?” To prove his point, the ‘snowflake’ waddled in a circle, being careful to avoid stabbing himself on the elaborate ice shards. Sure, his strut was a little slow and clumsy, but he could still technically walk, which was far from immobile in his book.

Pitch wasn’t impressed. Halloween was a very special day for him. He had practically adopted it as his own holiday, so the fact that Jack wasn’t taking it seriously was annoying. “You had me wait two hours so that you could come out here looking like a pin cushion-”

“A top-notch snowflake.” Jack corrected.

“More like a top-notch disaster. You’re either changing or I’m leaving you here.” The Boogeyman crossed his arms (unlike jack, who had handicapped himself, he was was successful). It was clear by his body language that there was no debating. He wasn’t about to celebrate his favorite holiday with a shambling mess of frozen spikes.

Jack childishly stuck out his tongue before awkwardly shuffling off to change. “Fine! But just know that you’ve officially ruined my spirit of Halloween!”

“Oh, how horribly devastating,” Pitch said sarcastically. “Make sure you put on something you can move in. And hurry up will you, I don’t want to be sitting here another two hours.”

“... Can I be a popsicle this time?”

“Absolutely not!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave some comments and kudos.


	2. Chicken Nuggies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place before Jack becomes a guardian. He befriends Pitch around 50 years after being resurrected by the moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack Frost and the Boogeyman figure out which nuggets taste the best.

“I present to you, the one, the only, Legendary Table of Chicken Nuggies!” Jack pulled the cloth off of the hidden table to reveal a large assortment of chicken nuggets he’s collected from popular restaurants around the globe. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

Pitch didn’t think so. “Jack, what is this?”

“I just told you, weren’t you listening? It’s the “Legendary Table of Chicken Nuggies”. I brought you here so that we can see which ones taste the best.” He explained. As if all this was normal.

Pitch pinched the bridge of his nose. Jack was naturally unpredictable but the boogeyman wasn’t expecting anything this outlandish. 

“We don’t even need to eat. Why would we- No let me ask the real question here.” He restarted. “How in the world are all the nuggets still warm? How long were they just sitting out? Didn’t you have to fly them all here? Surely, they should be cool by now!”

Jack sighed. “That wasn’t a question, it was 3. And don’t worry about it, I have my ways.” he reached for a Burger King nugget. “Now are you gonna taste these with me or what?”

The boogeyman watched as Jack popped the chicken into his mouth. “This is absolutely ridiculous! You can’t expect me to just be fine with eating your mystery nuggets. Why does it even matter which taste best?!”

Jack was moving along the table plucking nuggets as he went down. “They’re not _my_ mystery nuggies, they’re _our_ mystery nuggies. I got them for us to share. Having a few won’t kill you.” He bit into one from Pop-Eyes. “Oh, these are good.”

“We won’t even be able to finish all this! Why did you get so many?”

“No one can finish anything with that attitude. Have a little faith. Jeez, where’s your sense of adventure, Pitch. Is the big bad boogeyman afraid of some nuggies?” He was now on his tenth nugget.

“There is nothing adventurous about this. And would you stop calling them ‘nuggies’, they’re nuggets.”

Jack ignored him.

Pitch facepalmed and when he saw that the boy was still working his way down the table he facepalmed again for good measure. This was one of the stupidest things he’d ever witnessed, and the fact that Jack wanted him to join in made it worse.

The younger spirit looked at him expectantly as he finished chewing. “I know! How about this, if you help me eat these, I won’t bother you for a whole month. You know you want one.”

At this point Pitch was exasperated, but 4 weeks of peace was tempting.

“... I guess I could try a few.”


	3. It'll be Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack is the Boogeyman's reckless, fearless, human believer. Pitch should probably show him why fear is important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my favorite chapter so far. hope you enjoy~

Harsh winds whipped at jack as he pushed what looked like a pile of junk held together with rope up a snowy hill.

The boogeyman had been following him for a while now. As he did every time he got bored. He found the boy entertaining and it helped that Jack was one of the few older children that could still see him.

He didn’t consider the human a friend, of course, but it was nice to have someone to talk to every once in a while. He decided to make his presence known when Jack slipped and almost sent himself flying backward. Pitch caught him by the collar and hauled him back to his feet before any real damage was done.

He used a free hand to also stop whatever Jack was dragging from sliding downhill and crushing them. A spirit of his caliber could probably haul the boy and his contraption to the top of the hill single-handedly. But that wouldn’t be as interesting as watching Jack try.

“I was wondering when you’d show up, you creep.” Even after a near-death experience, Jack was still as blunt and harsh as ever.

Pitch ignored the insult. He was more concerned about the fact that his human companion- no, human entertainment- was in the middle of a snowstorm, hauling god knows what up a steep, slippery hill. “Are you sure this is safe?”

Jack shook ice out of his hair before continuing his journey upwards. “Why do you care? What are you, my dad?”

“If I was, I wouldn’t let you be out wandering in a blizzard. Where is your dad anyway? Your parents just let you stumble around willy-nilly?” The dark spirit followed closely behind him as he spoke.

Jack ignored the questions and continued pushing his contraption- or whatever it was- uphill. “It’s barely even snowing yet.” His legs wobbled as he scuffled through the high snow. They were nearly at the top now. 

When they reached the peak, the boy was winded from the tiring journey. “Help me set this up. If you’re gonna follow me around, you should at least make yourself useful.”

Pitch almost let out a laugh at Jack’s audacity to order the King of Fear. “No, I don’t think so. I’m not going anywhere near that. It looks like it’s gonna fall over any second now.”

“Scaredy-cat.”

“Idiot.”

Pitch watched the kid untie the rope and free the pieces of flimsy wood and metal. They’d probably make something once everything was assembled, but to the boogeyman, it was just a pile of spare parts.

Eventually, Jack had set up a sleigh. Or at least something that looked similar to one. It still didn’t look safe enough to ride. Jack didn’t seem to care, though. He looked at his shoddy sled with pride.

The old spirit cleared his throat. “I wouldn’t get on that if I were you.”

“Of course you wouldn’t, you never do anything fun.” Again, Jack showed his lack of self-preservation and hopped onto his creation. “It’ll be amazing!”

“I think you and I have different definitions of fun. This is more along the lines of extremely dangerous.” The wind was starting to pick up and the temperature was dropping. The hill was not only steep but also slick with fresh snow and littered with sharp rocks. Pitch knew that the outcome would be far from amazing.

He also knew that Jack was too much of a stubborn clod to abandon his stupid idea of fun. So he sighed and climbed onto the back of the makeshift sleigh.

If he couldn’t stop the kid, he should at least join him to make sure Jack doesn’t get hurt. It wouldn’t sit well with him if his favorite human died. Although, it wouldn’t really affect his life if something were to ever happen to the boy. At least, that’s what Pitch tells himself.

Jack laughed “I knew you’d want a ride. Sled’s impressive isn’t it?”

“Hardly, I just want to make sure you don’t get yourself killed. One of us has to be responsible.” The makeshift sled was now tipping lower. A few more gusts of wind and they would be sent off the side of the hill. Just as Jack planned.

The boy was giddy with excitement. “Oh, this is gonna be fun!” A second later they were speeding downhill. The icy wind cut at their faces and the sleigh creaked under the stress of their weight.

Pitch could feel the spikes of anxiety creeping through Jack’s zest as he made sure they narrowly missed obstacles along the way. He had to admit that this was exhilarating.

When they finally reached the bottom the sleigh had gone through enough and broke apart, sending them both rolling in the cold snow. 

When he was done laughing, the spirit brushed himself off and snatched up the boy from the deep snow. The trip down was more than Jack bargained for and he was terrified.

“You were right. That was definitely not safe. I think I’m done with sleigh rides forever.” the kid was shaking from the cold and adrenalin.

Pitch smirked, “Let’s do it again!”

Jack was right, that was fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave some comments and kudos.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave some comments and kudos.


End file.
